Sunday, July 13, 2008

This is going to be long, random and probably full of nonsense (hmm sounds like my personal statement!)

Weekend update (before my rant about my personal statement)
After a long week at work (including a 14 hour shift on friday night which is the only thing I remember from this week, probably because it was the most recent, most tiring day ever), i was most definitely looking forward to the weekend.


oh okay, that was a lie...what I really meant was to do absolutely nothing work related.

Friday night was wine, wii and pizza. Saturday was cleaning our house (hey, it's therapeutic), laundry, gym and a little bit of shopping with shell (oh and I tried working on my personal statement but i failed at that!), and some more wii. Today was bible study, church, lunch with Marc and his sisters plus the kiddos, then I finally worked on my personal statement(i still have nothing!) and hellboy.

I must say this was a very productive (except for my failure at writing a decent draft of my personal statement) and relaxing weekend...finally.

You don't have to read this part because it will be long and probably won't even make sense.
So anyway, my main reason for blogging tonight is not because I want to bore you with the details of my weekend (but it is my blog and I will write whatever I want) but because I need help/really need to vent because I am so frustrated at myself.

For some reason, I absolutely cannot write a personal statement. Oh I have tried, I have maybe 14 drafts, all one pagers, single spaced, all a variation of the other, all absolutely worthless. So why do I want to be a lawyer?? What is so awesome about me that even with my crappy LSAT score and mediocere gpa, a good law school should take me??!!!! The most frustrating part is the fact that I can come up with plenty of reasons why I want to be a lawyer and why I think they should take me but none of them are good I am starting to doubt myself because if I can't even articulate who I am and what I can offer, how can I even make a good lawyer?

I know I know, LSAT scores and even gpas, awesome law school blah blah blah do not necessarily translate into a good lawyer but even so, I still wish that things didn't have to be so difficult. I hate excuses and I hate sucking at this. Can I just have a moment of enlightenment and write this damn thing??? I'm definitely running out of time...................

So I will just freewrite...maybe it will be less intimidating when it's a blog vs. a word document?

I realized I wanted to be a lawyer.........
-When I was in the 8th grade, after a year of being in the U.S. My eight grade government teacher chose me to defend the person accused of murder in our mock trial I lost that case even though I prepared for it so well and got an A. Jury favored the popular guy in my class who barely worked on his argument. I hate failing....
-In the 10th grade, my mom took me to an immigration lawyer to help her translate some legal terms and the lawyer was amazing. It seemed like she actually cared about my family's situation.
-Freshman year of college when I was first introduced to Ethnic Studies, PASS and many social injustices, I realized that I want to do my part.
-Junior year of college when my dad was injured on the job and due to instances beyond our control he had to retire from work. S
-Same year, our tenants sued my parents (we eventually win this case after several thousand dollars later in attorney fees, equity loss etc, I promised myself that no one will take advantage of me, anyone in my family and friends ever again.)

And I really want to be a lawyer because
-there is nothing else out there that I want to do
-I work crazy hours at work, see the bullshit associates have to put up with, know what kind of people lawyers turn into (and some I can say are just awful), basically I know exaclty what I'm getting into and I STILL WANT IT
-the law is absolutely beautiful and ugly at the same time..the interpretations, the context, the's just amazing what it can and cannot do
-I KNOW that this is what I was meant to do...everywhere I look, injustices happen and I know I have to do something about it and the only way I can I think is to become a lawyer.....

hmmmmmmmm and I still have nothing.

battery is dying..better save draft/publish post...more later on........


jenn-jenn said...

oh my mari...i totally feel you on every single word of that post. i wish i had words of encouragement but im right there with you in wondering what it takes to go to professional school and what i can do that makes schools want me over others. UGH..the application process sucks (esp since this will be my second year doing it!) i think its more emotionally draining than mentally...good luck with writing. you definitely have the heart to become a lawyer and i think that will take further than you think :)

Madel said...

I wouldn't know because I'm not achieving greatness like you and Jenn and everyone else, but I always favored free writes. You write everything you know you want to express, then look over it all and it'll somehow come together. You'll write a bomb personal statement Mari, just continue to believe in yourself because I know you deserve it!

And thanks for the prayers love! Muah!

Sherlyn said...

OMG MARI! i totally have been there. senior year writing personal statements for internships. it was one of the most difficult things i ever did! i didnt think my not so great GPA and GRE score would win the admission committee over so i put so much pressure on myself to write an amazing personal statement that i couldnt even start. locking myself in my room trying to force myself to write didnt even help. it took jenn, del, you and so many more people, to help me formulate my thoughts into typed sentences. So hang in there it will be done and if you need help feel free to ask me i dont mind reading over personal satements! :) good luck!